Facing Middle-Aged, Please Communicate!

Do not want the marriage to become empty, dull and divorced at the middle-aged, some of the keys were communication and religion. As explained by a Psychology expert from Yayasan Kita dan Buah Hati, Elly Risman in the Seminar on “Change and Challenge” To Be a Lovely Wife and a Happy Mother, presented by Agrianita IPB, (14/6) at IPB International Convention Centre (IICC), Bogor.

“Indeed, often the middle-aged becomes the obstacle for someone to conduct the productive matters. Various reductions of physical and cognitive abilities are not only to be regarded to become obstacle to work, but even make someone become easily to stress and unhappy,” she said.

Elly explained, at the time, man and woman were experiencing the time where they conducted the self evaluation. The man meditated over the direction of his life, meanwhile the woman was more to the direction of re-evaluating herself.  “The man becomes more quiet, he doesn’t want to tell, doesn’t understand what happened, worried and very busy. While, the woman feels sad, alone, lonely, wishing to tell but cannot explain, anxiety, not being understood, being disregard, left behind, not beautiful and attractive anymore,” she said.

At that time, the man did not like the state of being established, often observed the presentation, embraced hobby, sport, new car, easily to get angry, offended, critically wanted everything to change (food, wife’s appearance),wanted the wife to cook and sex, and so on.

Meanwhile, the woman was not caring, superficial, suspicious, feeling too many characters, shredded, more confused, turning to be angry and disagreeable, melancholic, wishing to run away from home, lazy to cook moreover sex, frustration, loss which was intense, panic and so on.  “If all signs of middle-aged have already happened and if we do not want to end with the out-of-date and empty marriage, so we should make prevention,” she said.

She explained 10 steps of crisis prevention, i.e. these transitions (middle-aged) indeed could not be avoided, finish the business with himself, do the sublime work, accept the living reality, communicate the need, do the compensation, present the balance, have spiritual growth, thank God for all we have, and be optimistic.

“A study by Seheril and Larson reveals an old lady who breaks her pelvis, but she is religious and practicing her religion correctly by producing the strong way of thinking, does not complain, worried and in depression,” said Elly. According to her, the choice in the middle-aged became blossoming/growing or collapsing, that depended on the independent choice. In order to become grow/blossom, in the middle-aged, we needed the helper, i.e. yourself (God), husband (Key), close family, close friend, children and staff.

This program presented other resource persons i.e. Dr. Dewi Prabarini Soeharto, SpOG and dr. Dewi Inong Irana, SpKK. This program was opened by Chairman of Agrianita IPB, Enny Suhardiyanto. (man)